Play #5, 1/5/21 © 2021, Lucinda McDermott
4 things: cat condo, large woman walking with stick, ravioli cutter, telescoping duster
Event: Birthday party
Location: Covid safe restaurant
Characters: WENDY, a woman with two samoyeds (Gen. Lee and Elvis) wrapped in various shades of pink coat, scarves, hat, and mittens, leg warmers with pink sweater under coat. JOSH, a masked waiter.
At rise: A four top table in a “covid safe” restaurant next to a large glass window that faces the street. ENTER; WENDY with two placid samoyeds, white, large, and fluffy. She is pink, large, and floofy.
WENDY: General Lee! Stop pulling! Good boy, Elvis. That’s a good boy. Now behave, Gen. Lee, or we will NOT have your birthday lunch. Shhh!
JOSH: [ENTERING in waiter attire & mask.] Ma’am? We require masks worn unless you’re eating.
WENDY: I know! I know! IT’s just hard to. . . okay, whatever. . . [Puts on—you guessed it—pink mask.] Would you like me to put masks on my dogs? [laughs uproariously.]
JOSH: [Kindly] No, ma’am, but we don’t allow/
WENDY: I know, I know, I know but. . . look. . . if I sit right here, [Sits, puts all her bags down, and there are many.] see, they will just. . . [Dogs disappear under the table cloth. All we see are tails or paws.] Can we please. . . just. . . [Starts to cry] life is just so . . . weird. . and I need a little normal. PLEASE! I’ll just have a cup of soup! A cup of coffee! It’s too cold to eat outside and. . . it’s their birthday.
JOSH: It’s okay. Please don’t cry. Tell you what; it’s the end of the rush and we’re near closing so. . . a cup of coffee:
WENDY: Could you put just a leeeeetle shot of Irish whiskey in there? Pretty please?
WENDY: And if you have a biscuit I could give Gen. Lee and Elvis. . . let me show you something. . . [Pulls a ravioli cutter out of her bag] I just found this in a thrift store. Do you know what it is?
JOSH: No, ma’m.
WENDY: A ravioli cutter! A woman—A very large woman with a long metal walking stick tried to beat me and take it from me!
JOSH: Oh. . . I. . .
WENDY: If it weren’t for my telescoping duster, [She demonstrates], I might not be here! And then there would be no one to feed the little darlings down at the kitty condos!
JOSH: I’ll get that coffee. [EXITS]
End of Play