Play #5, 1/5/21           © 2021, Lucinda McDermott            

4 things: cat condo, large woman walking with stick, ravioli cutter, telescoping duster

Event:  Birthday party

Location: Covid safe restaurant

Characters: WENDY, a woman with two samoyeds (Gen. Lee and Elvis) wrapped in various shades of pink coat, scarves, hat, and mittens, leg warmers with pink sweater under coat. JOSH, a masked waiter.

At rise: A four top table in a “covid safe” restaurant next to a large glass window that faces the street. ENTER; WENDY with two placid samoyeds, white, large, and fluffy. She is pink, large, and floofy.

WENDY:        General Lee! Stop pulling! Good boy, Elvis. That’s a good boy. Now behave, Gen. Lee, or we will NOT have your birthday lunch. Shhh!

JOSH: [ENTERING in waiter attire & mask.] Ma’am? We require masks worn unless you’re eating.

WENDY:        I know! I know! IT’s just hard to. . . okay, whatever. . . [Puts on—you guessed it—pink mask.] Would you like me to put masks on my dogs? [laughs uproariously.]

JOSH: [Kindly] No, ma’am, but we don’t allow/

WENDY:        I know, I know, I know but. . . look. . . if I sit right here, [Sits, puts all her bags down, and there are many.] see, they will just. . . [Dogs disappear under the table cloth. All we see are tails or paws.] Can we please. . . just. . . [Starts to cry] life is just so . . . weird. . and I need a little normal. PLEASE! I’ll just have a cup of soup! A cup of coffee! It’s too cold to eat outside and. . . it’s their birthday.

JOSH:             It’s okay. Please don’t cry. Tell you what; it’s the end of the rush and we’re near closing so. . . a cup of coffee:

WENDY:        Could you put just a leeeeetle shot of Irish whiskey in there? Pretty please?

JOSH:             Sure.

WENDY:        And if you have a biscuit I could give Gen. Lee and Elvis. . . let me show you something. . .  [Pulls a ravioli cutter out of her bag] I just found this in a thrift store. Do you know what it is?

JOSH:             No, ma’m.

WENDY:        A ravioli cutter! A woman—A very large woman with a long metal walking stick tried to beat me and take it from me!

JOSH:             Oh. . . I. . .

WENDY:        If it weren’t for my telescoping duster, [She demonstrates], I might not be here! And then there would be no one to feed the little darlings down at the kitty condos!

JOSH:             I’ll get that coffee.  [EXITS]

End of Play