4 things: blackeyed peas, O’Keeffe, yoga, egg

Event:  Going into labor

Location: Security gate

Characters: Woman, man

At rise: WOMAN, very pregnant getting out of car while MAN is shaking a locked gate.

WOMAN: [Screams]

MAN: I know! I know!

WOMAN: This is not happening!

MAN: Breathe, Moira!

WOMAN: I can’t fucking breathe! I have a baby ramming their head against my vagina HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BREATHE!

MAN: There’s gotta be a – Aaaaahhhrg!!!

[WOMAN goes into downward dog]

MAN: Let me call the manager. Where’s my. . . what are you doing?

WOMAN: Yoga!

MAN: Cell…. Cell… where are you? [dials] Hello? Yes? Yes! Yes! This is George O’Keeffe! Yes! From 103! My wife is in labor and the gate is stuck!

[WOMAN starts moaning loudly]

What? I can’t. . . ? Do what? . . . Okay!

            [WOMAN starts singing in a lunatic fashion]

What is that?

WOMAN: Black Eyed Peas. . . OH MY GOD! WE have to gooooo!

MAN: Okay, look, I need your help—he said you have to pull this gate and push that gate while someone else pushes the remote. Here! You do this. . .

WOMAN: How wide?

MAN: He said about as wide as an egg.

WOMAN: This better work or you’re delivering a baby in the back of the car!